And To All a Good Night?

In the finest Festivus tradition, I'd like to bother you all for a few moments and use this blog to air a grievance I have with you (the general you, quite likely not you specifically). I'm pissed off about people who get pissed off about the the holidays. Now, I'm not Christian. I was raised Roman Catholic, but have officially renounced that faith and consider myself agnostic or humanist. I do celebrate Christmas though, not as a religious holiday, but as a cultural holiday. A lot of the trappings and whatnot around Christmas I find saccharine, boomer-oriented, commercialized, and annoying, but I love Christmas itself, particularly the idea of goodwill towards others. That sentiment IS Christmas to me. For a little bit of time each year, it's like people get a "be nice to others" booster shot and spread cheer, for the most part. It's really nice.

Well, it's usually nice. But too many people have made a battleground over the whole damn thing. What prompted this post is that, around this time of year when I interact with people, I like to end conversations with a nice holiday greeting. I don't care what that greeting is. Happy Holidays is a nice catch-all because it's inclusive to people who don't celebrate Christmas AND it also covers both Christmas and New Years for the yes-Christmas crowd. Great. Merry Christmas is fine too, especially if I'm certain the person I'm speaking to does in fact celebrate Christmas. Other holiday-specific ones are fine too (Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, etc) if I know that's what the person celebrates.

But here's the thing. Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas have been claimed by opposite camps. The "there's a war on Christmas!" crowd, whom I loathe, has made Merry Christmas from a nice gesture into a friggin' battle cry, or a secret password of their Christmas club. Meanwhile, Happy Holidays has been made to feel like the response battle cry of Team Atheism (don't get me wrong, I've got a fair amount in common with this team). But the dilemma is this: I am saying whatever I'm saying to be nice and spread cheer, not to get into a fucking fight over whose version of the holiday season is "correct." Anyone who uses these kindly greetings as an item of division instead of unity, of polarization instead of good cheer, seriously, fuck you. Everyone else, Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays. Much love!

Advice for Renting Your Apt. on craigslist

I'm on the hunt for a new place to live, with one definite and one maybe roommate (super cool people). In reviewing craigslist ads over the past several days, it's become clear that this can be a slightly frustrating process. However, just bitching about things doesn't really help anyone, so I thought I'd offer some constructive criticism to the people posting ads (which also probably won't help anyone, because nobody who needs to read this will probably read this).

1) Include photos. Seriously, we live in an era of ubiquitous cell phone ownership and I don't think cell phones even exist anymore without some form of camera, even if it's a shitty camera. And beyond that, many people own digital cameras or at least know somebody who does. Not providing photos tells me that either a) you're lazy, too lazy to take photographs of the place you want people to pay you for or b) there's a reason you don't want me to see what this place looks like.

2) Do not post your listing title in all caps. It is obnoxious when you do this. It makes me not want to read your ad. 2BD GREAT PLACE ONLY $850!! CALL DOUG AT 123-456-7890. This ad title is garbage (and fake, but similar to many I've seen). Do people still not realize that caps lock is the printed equivalent of shouting? Your ad doesn't stand out more because of this, especially not when you post LIKE 15 ADS IN A ROW all in caps lock (and yes, I meant to internet shout those words).

3) Another reason the fake ad from DOUG up above is shitty is because it tells me next to nothing. The title of the ad should give me as much abbreviated information as possible. Here is how DOUG's ad title should read: $850 - 2BD, 1.5 Bath, W/D in building, hardwood floors, 2nd floor unit. This tells me so much more in just one line, enough to help me decide if this is one I want to take a further peek at or not. If I'm browsing these ads, I already want an apartment you idiots, you don't need to convince me of that. Imagine walking into a pizzeria and someone coming up to you and shouting "WE HAVE PIZZA HERE CHECK OUT THIS PIZZERIA!"... Wouldn't being handed a menu be much more helpful?

4) Beyond the ad title, the ad itself should have as much information as possible. Yes, including photos (as mentioned already). I want to be able to picture this apartment after reading your ad, start imagining if it's a place I'd want to live. Honestly, I don't want to have to physically visit every apartment listed just to get a first impression. Help me understand the unit you're renting and if it fits my need, I will actually want to contact you and you won't need to convince me. Like I said, I'm already here looking for a place. Stop trying to convince me to check you out and help me check you out.

So yeah. If any of you dear readers know of a great place opening up at a good price, preferably with a W/D in unit and would allow a rabbit, 2+ BD... let your ol' pal Remus Thirty know!

In the past, I've tended towards half.com, myself

Hello all (or based on the number of replies that the posts to date have gotten, "Hello none"). As shocking as this may be, seeing as bloggers are, by and large, irresistible to members of the opposite sex, I have a long history of ill luck in the field of romance. It's not that there's anything awful about me, there just always seems to be a more preferable option available. As of today, I'd like to add "Amazon.com" to the list of things that girls I've taken a shine to have preferred or placed priority over yours truly. This is a noble list, to be sure, and includes, but may not be limited to the following entries:

Amazon.com
Time alone
Men who will cheat within weeks
Men who cheated not weeks before
An asshole who came out as a homosexual 3 years later
Graham Rowe
A sociopath
Horses
A man described by some as "Homer Simpson"
Philadelphia
Maintaining friendship
A man who urinated on someone else's car
Super powers/Faux wicca
Social status

Strangely enough, "Other women" has not yet made it on to the list, but given some time I'm sure I'll chase a closeted lesbian at some point.