I was a creative kid, but nowhere near as creative as the little genius behind Axe Cop. I also had no older brother to turn my ideas into pure comic magic, only a mom who saved my periodic works of fiction. Because sometimes I wrote. Often for school, sometimes for fun. Below is my earliest surviving written fictional narrative, penned at age 6. It is a tale of action, suspense, and triumph. I wanted to call it Gold Mines: An Adventure Story but at age 6, could only manage GOLD MINS AN ADFANCHER STORY. I dared not flatten the memo pad it was written on in a scanner for fear the binding would come apart, so it is in the form of several photographs. A transcript is available below the images.
GOLD MINS AN ADFANCHER STORY
A GOLD MINER WAS DIGING A HOLE WHEN HE FOND
A MAP IT WAS A TRESHER MAP HE FOLOD
THE MAP TO THE DESERT WHER HE FOND
A CAVE HE WENT IN THE CAVE IT WAS DARK
HE FELT SOMETHING IT FELT LIKE SOMETHING HE FELT
BEFORE IT WAS A COLED SNAK GARDING
A KEY AND A DOOR
IN THE DOOR WAS GOLD HE ATAKD THE SNAKE
UNTEL HE KELD IT HE GRABD THE KEY
AND OPIND THE DOOR AND
GOT THE GOLD AND BOHT A NEW HOUSE
ABOT THE AUTHER THE AUTHER
There are many questions left unanswered. Why was a miner digging a hole? Why did he need a map to find a desert with a clearly visible cave? Why had he felt a (coiled/cold?) snake before? Why was the snake guarding a key and a door? Who locked the door and left the key so close by with a snake? Why did Remus Thirty spell snake two different ways two pages apart? Sadly, no sequel exists to GOLD MINS AN ADFANCHER STORY. However, not all is lost. For while 6-year-old me did not have a 29-year-old brother who could draw, 26-year-old me who can draw DOES exist. Here is a special artistic rendering of GOLD MINS AN ADFANCHER STORY.