Wednesday, December 27, 2006

A Treat for the Feet

I'm always reminded upon obtaining new pairs of socks of just how good new socks feel. No mass has yet been lost to washing, yet you know the socks will never be cleaner. Thick, soft, a delight all around. There was a time when I was disappointed by receiving new socks for Christmas or a birthday, but now I know that the gift of putting on a brand new pair of socks is quite excellent.

One of the most deliciously decadent ideas I've ever heard was two friends wondering what it would cost to wear new socks every day for the rest of one's life. Let's explore. The price for a 6-pack of men's white crew socks from a major online retailer is listed at a sale price of $8.99, and an everyday price of $11.99. Let's average those to approximately $10 per 6-pack, as of the market values of December 2006. There are 365 days per year (not counting leap years), so 365/6 rounds up to 61 packages of socks per year needed. Multiplied by our price of $10, this plan would run the average adult male approximately $610.00 per year.

Now, I know it may be silly to assume that my poor diet, lack of exercise, and generally spotty luck won't kill me by the time I'm 35, but let's for the sake of argument assume I'm going to live out the average American's lifespan. This would mean that I can plan on living to the ripe age of 77.85 years. I am currently approximately 23.79 years of age. This leaves 54.06 years to go. This isn't at all morbid.

Let's bring it all home. With 54.06 years to go, at an expected amount (ignoring inflation rates, of course) of $610.00 per year, to wear brand new socks every day for the rest of my natural life, I would spend approximately $32,976.60 USD. That is the official price of luxury, my friends.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Now THIS is a headline!

May I bring your attention to one of the greatest news stories, and certainly one of the greatest headlines of all times: World's Tallest Man Saves Dolphin. Please, take a moment to read the article. Good? Excellent. The best part (and there are many great parts) to me about this, is the headline. "World's Tallest Man" on it's own would be a compelling headline. "Man Saves Dolphin" perhaps even more compelling. Two good stories have here fused into one fantastic piece of journalism.

On an aside, I want to know who at this aquarium made this call. "To save these dolphins, we're going to need a tall-No! ... the TALLEST man."

Monday, December 11, 2006

Tantamount to Treason

What I'm about to say will make me zero (0) amount of friends in Red States. I prefer the UN to the US. Madness, some would say. The UN isn't exactly known for its efficacy or efficiency, it's true. However, I believe that the UN is the current precursor to an effective global union. This, of course, should be the end goal of the world: to unite the human race, no matter what geographic boundaries intervene. In my opinion, the current United Nations is largely the global equivalent of the Articles of Confederation. As anyone who passed US History in high school knows, these Articles were the forerunner of our Constitution, and were ineffective due to their non-binding nature. Likewise, just as the US government used the Articles as a springboard to the more binding and effective Constitution, I believe the UN is a springboard to an effective global government. I wholly denounce the current US administration in its reluctance to cooperate internationally, and I believe all nations should be seeking to reduce their own sovereignty (not completely) to become to the UN what States are to the US. I guess my ideas aren't so treasonous after all, seeing as my idea really is just to push a model that works (usually) here in the States to an international level. Maybe I'm the most patriotic one of all. (Probably not.)

Also, I'm gonna miss this guy, and I hope his successor will continue the proud mission of the UN.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

In the past, I've tended towards, myself

Hello all (or based on the number of replies that the posts to date have gotten, "Hello none"). As shocking as this may be, seeing as bloggers are, by and large, irresistible to members of the opposite sex, I have a long history of ill luck in the field of romance. It's not that there's anything awful about me, there just always seems to be a more preferable option available. As of today, I'd like to add "" to the list of things that girls I've taken a shine to have preferred or placed priority over yours truly. This is a noble list, to be sure, and includes, but may not be limited to the following entries:
Time alone
Men who will cheat within weeks
Men who cheated not weeks before
An asshole who came out as a homosexual 3 years later
Graham Rowe
A sociopath
A man described by some as "Homer Simpson"
Maintaining friendship
A man who urinated on someone else's car
Super powers/Faux wicca
Social status

Strangely enough, "Other women" has not yet made it on to the list, but given some time I'm sure I'll chase a closeted lesbian at some point.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

The Declaration of Alcohol Dependence

Perhaps not everyone abides by this rule of thumb, but in my opinion, if you come across a box of 4 12oz. bottles of Samuel Adams beer, each with a different American historical bent for $8.99 because it was best enjoyed by October 2006, you buy it. Allow me to give my review of the Samuel Adams Brewer Patriot Collection. I was instantly intrigued by the package, which evoked images of proud revolutionaries drinking in their parlors while discussing how to overcome the British Empire. Either that or of men in wigs and hats with altogether too many corners.

The first sampling was 1790 Root Beer Brew. If it is preferable in life to "save the best for last", this was certainly a good start. The Root Beer Brew, which to me sounded like an unabashed winner of an idea, was in fact the far and away worst beer in the pack. This beer gets a D+/C-, because instead of tasting like a bold, refreshing beer inspired by the flavor of Root Beer, it tasted like someone just poured root beer and regular beer into a bottle together and swished it around with oregano.

Next I took on James Madison Dark Wheat Ale. This was a top notch beer. Dark, but not too dark, this beer also benefited from being the direct follower of the disastrous Root Beer Brew, gaining several points just by comparison. Just like the real James Madison, James Madison Dark Wheat Ale looked out for the good of the people, and provided me with a safeguard of my rights and liberties. This beer also co-authored The Federalist Papers. I give it a robust A-.

Next up came a heavy hitter, the father of the nation, George Washington Porter. This was a high-quality offering, but hit like a ton of bricks. Dark as sin, this one. I rate it at B-, although I'll admit I'm not as much of a dark beer fan, so I have some bias. I could make some oblique George Washington references, but I'm feeling lazy now.

Finally, there was the Traditional Ginger Honey Ale. I found this to be an enjoyable trip to the apothecary, with a light and interesting flavor. Given my bias towards lighter beers, and towards sweeter drinks in general, I don't expect everyone to agree with me on this one, but I enjoyed drinking it more than the George Washington, but not quite as much as the James Madison. A solid B+ to my palate, and it puts me in the mindset to acquire some mead in the near future.

So there we have it. I should say, however, that all of my scores can be disqualified, because after I ran out of this stroll through the flavors of the Revolutionary War period, I followed with Twisted Teas, which I enjoyed just as much if not more. What can I say, I have the tastes of an 8-year-old.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A Proud Day

It's always nice to know that your nation of origin, the nation that prides itself on being "the greatest nation on Earth", is now trailing the birthplace of apartheid on the issue of civil liberties. Nope, here in the U S A (all the way!) we let Karl Rove set our political agenda, and we all know that scapegoating is big political points. Hey, it worked for Hitler.

Monday, November 13, 2006

An open statement

Dear individuals pursuing lawsuits regarding your appearances in the film Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan,

I support your lawsuits. It is my opinion that you should be able to reap financial gain from anyone who makes you look like a complete jackass in front of the entire international public. Therefore, I suggest you switch the targets of your lawsuits away from the parties who merely gave you an opportunity to look like a jackass, and go after the true guilty parties. Please sue yourselves, waste the judicial system's time, and get slapped with fines for frivolous lawsuits.

Your pal,
Remus Thirty

PS: To the fraternity members who appeared in the film and are now suing, a hearty thank you for reinforcing the final part of the "frat boy" stereotype by having your rich dads try to provide you with legal protection from the consequences your own asinine actions.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I'm such a bandwagoner.

I got another 401(k) plan quarterly statement today. I have retirement money. It'll be interesting to see how long I'm in grad school (knock on wood) before I need to liquidate it for mad ca$h. Ah, planning for the golden years...