The Declaration of Alcohol Dependence

Perhaps not everyone abides by this rule of thumb, but in my opinion, if you come across a box of 4 12oz. bottles of Samuel Adams beer, each with a different American historical bent for $8.99 because it was best enjoyed by October 2006, you buy it. Allow me to give my review of the Samuel Adams Brewer Patriot Collection. I was instantly intrigued by the package, which evoked images of proud revolutionaries drinking in their parlors while discussing how to overcome the British Empire. Either that or of men in wigs and hats with altogether too many corners.

The first sampling was 1790 Root Beer Brew. If it is preferable in life to "save the best for last", this was certainly a good start. The Root Beer Brew, which to me sounded like an unabashed winner of an idea, was in fact the far and away worst beer in the pack. This beer gets a D+/C-, because instead of tasting like a bold, refreshing beer inspired by the flavor of Root Beer, it tasted like someone just poured root beer and regular beer into a bottle together and swished it around with oregano.

Next I took on James Madison Dark Wheat Ale. This was a top notch beer. Dark, but not too dark, this beer also benefited from being the direct follower of the disastrous Root Beer Brew, gaining several points just by comparison. Just like the real James Madison, James Madison Dark Wheat Ale looked out for the good of the people, and provided me with a safeguard of my rights and liberties. This beer also co-authored The Federalist Papers. I give it a robust A-.

Next up came a heavy hitter, the father of the nation, George Washington Porter. This was a high-quality offering, but hit like a ton of bricks. Dark as sin, this one. I rate it at B-, although I'll admit I'm not as much of a dark beer fan, so I have some bias. I could make some oblique George Washington references, but I'm feeling lazy now.

Finally, there was the Traditional Ginger Honey Ale. I found this to be an enjoyable trip to the apothecary, with a light and interesting flavor. Given my bias towards lighter beers, and towards sweeter drinks in general, I don't expect everyone to agree with me on this one, but I enjoyed drinking it more than the George Washington, but not quite as much as the James Madison. A solid B+ to my palate, and it puts me in the mindset to acquire some mead in the near future.

So there we have it. I should say, however, that all of my scores can be disqualified, because after I ran out of this stroll through the flavors of the Revolutionary War period, I followed with Twisted Teas, which I enjoyed just as much if not more. What can I say, I have the tastes of an 8-year-old.

A Proud Day

It's always nice to know that your nation of origin, the nation that prides itself on being "the greatest nation on Earth", is now trailing the birthplace of apartheid on the issue of civil liberties. Nope, here in the U S A (all the way!) we let Karl Rove set our political agenda, and we all know that scapegoating is big political points. Hey, it worked for Hitler.

An open statement

Dear individuals pursuing lawsuits regarding your appearances in the film Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan,

I support your lawsuits. It is my opinion that you should be able to reap financial gain from anyone who makes you look like a complete jackass in front of the entire international public. Therefore, I suggest you switch the targets of your lawsuits away from the parties who merely gave you an opportunity to look like a jackass, and go after the true guilty parties. Please sue yourselves, waste the judicial system's time, and get slapped with fines for frivolous lawsuits.

Your pal,
Remus Thirty

PS: To the fraternity members who appeared in the film and are now suing, a hearty thank you for reinforcing the final part of the "frat boy" stereotype by having your rich dads try to provide you with legal protection from the consequences your own asinine actions.