My Geekiest (But Possibly Favorite) Dream Ever

Alright, so this dream is not that recent. It occurred probably at least a full year ago, if not slightly longer. However, I have wanted to record it somewhere for a while now, and figured this was as good a venue as any, especially because I want to get myself back into the habit of moderately frequent updates. So, here is an account of my geekiest dream ever, which may also be my favorite dream ever.

The dream opened in a weird, larger version of the house I spent most of my childhood in. Meredith and I were helping my mother, father, and sister clean up and pack various items into storage boxes to go into the (enormous in this dream) attic. There were also some cats moving around, which were unfamiliar, but in the dream I recognized them as being our new cats. I went to bring some boxes up to the attic and as I rounded the corner from one part of the attic to another (like I said, the attic was enormous in this dream), I was surprised to find my father asleep on a trunk, because I had just seen him downstairs.

He woke up and started being a real dick to me, saying things like "what the hell are you doing up here?" and "get the f*ck away from me." This is out of character for my father, for those who may not be familiar. I went away into another room in the (massive) attic and realized something was wrong. Using some careful peeking, I realized this person was not my father, but was in fact a shapeshifting monster in my father's form: a doppelganger! I went downstairs and found Meredith and brought her up a different set of stairs into another part of the attic we could spy on the doppelganger from without being seen (yet again, it was a big damn attic.) The doppelganger started moving around and I realized we'd need to take action. I went downstairs and found my real father.

Knowing (somehow) that we would need to beat this thing without facing it head-on, my father and I evacuated everyone else from the house and took gasoline cans and started dousing everything. "Once we start this, there's no stopping. Anything or anyone we find left inside could be and probably is the doppelganger," he instructed me. We managed to finish soaking everything in gasoline without another encounter, lit matches, and got ourselves outside, locking the door behind us. Then I heard meowing, and realized a cat was still inside. I reminded myself that the cat was probably just the doppelganger trying to prey on my sympathies, I stopped myself from unlocking the door, hoped with all my heart I was right and wasn't killing an innocent animal, and watched the house burn.

However, this must not have finished off the doppelganger, because the next thing I knew, FBI Special Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully were investigating the case, trying to track down and capture the monster. For some reason, for this segment of the dream, I shifted from a first-person perspective to a third-person, watching Mulder and Scully carry out their mission. They successfully lured the doppelganger into small room in a derelict factory/warehouse and managed to lock it inside (it was in the form of some random, kind-of-menacing-looking guy at this point). They went to get back up, and just as they returned, the doppelganger grinned at them through the window of the locked door and collapsed into a puddle of black slime that oozed through the crack of the door and over to a big storm drain in the floor, escaping.

Agent Mulder did not take this turn of events well at all. In his frustration, he proceeded to urinate down the storm drain while screaming obscenities at the escaped creature. During this unfortunate outburst, FBI Assistant Director Walter Skinner and a few other agents showed up and had to remove Mulder from the scene physically. Later, in front of a panel of higher-ups, Mulder faced his punishment. The X-Files were being closed, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. In the back of the room, the Cigarette Smoking Man grinned as he lit another cigarette, finally able to shut Mulder down because of his unsavory tantrum.

The dream shifted back to my first-person experience at this point, and I was checking out the site where we once burned down the house futilely trying to kill the doppelganger. However, for some reason this was now the site of a seedy carnival/boardwalk area, including a particularly sketchy set of motel-style rooms. I had with me a scrap of paper with some sort of clue about the doppelganger, but I have no idea now what the clue was. Now, the odd thing about these motel-ish rooms was that the names of the occupants were posted on the outsides. I crept about, checking the names, and came across one name in particular (I don't recall it now) that I recognized. Suddenly, I pieced together clues that I had no idea I knew, and had not been previously introduced in the dream. The name on the room was the name of a popular internet webcam stripper. In the news, men had been disappearing recently around this area. I don't watch camshows or that much broadcast news in real life, so I don't know how I knew these things in the dream. But I figured it out: the online stripper was the doppelganger, luring victims to its skeezy lair.

At this point, I woke up. In real life, I had to pee. Now, I don't know about anyone else, but for me, once I wake up, I never am able to get back to the dream I was having before I woke up, even if I fall back asleep. I wrote all of the dream off so far as a neat story that I'd never see the end to. Oh well. I used the bathroom and went back to bed. It happened this time. I got back in the dream. Not only was I back in the dream, the dream had continued in my absence, as though I was watching a TV show, left the room, and came back in at a later point. And the situation had become dire.

Somehow I had wound up in some sort of industrial alley or parking lot. I was facing off against the doppelganger once and for all. It had abandoned taking on human faces and appeared before me now as a vaguely humanoid mass of black slime. I realized I had no idea how to fight this thing, when suddenly, light shined down from the sky. Floating in the air above our heads was the ghost of my beloved grandmother, Nonnie. With reassuring and determined smile, she dematerialized into white energy and shot down to the doppelganger, surrounding and paralyzing it. Now feeling like I had a chance, I reached into my pocket and found a Harry Potter wand. Skeptical of its power (but oddly accepting of the fact that I had it at all), I gestured with the wand towards my target and was gladly surprised when a tiny beam of white light shot forward from the tip, passing through the Nonnie-light and piercing through the doppelganger, causing it to make a sound of pain. It worked! And if that worked...

I had a crazy idea, but crazy seemed to be working at the moment. I re-pocketed the wand and took a wide stance. Cupping my hands and drawing them back to my right hip, I gathered energy between my palms. (Ka... Me...) If you are a geek like me, you see where this is going. After charging up for a few seconds (Ha... Me...), I thrust my hands forward towards the doppelganger and called out the last of five syllables (Ha!!!). The Kamehameha Wave exploded toward my foe in a wash of blue-white energy. The light of it was blinding. When I could see again, the area was littered with tiny scorched blobs of black goo.

After a moment, though, the blobs began to quiver, then start oozing towards a center point. The monster was going to re-form, even after that! I leaped into the air (apparently I could hover/fly in this dream too, which was cool) and thought to myself, "Guess I need to use this after all," as I took the wand back out. I used the wand to draw a large circle in the air in front of me, and a similar massive glowing circle appeared on the ground, wide enough to contain all of the blobs. I quickly made sketching motions with the wand and a rune symbol appeared inside of the circle on the ground. As I finished the last line of the rune, the ground darkened within the circle and became a black vortex, pulling the blobs into itself. The glowing circle that formed its border gradually shrank in diameter until it vanished completely.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "what kind of bizarre person has a dream involving his or her immediate family, a doppelganger, arson, the X-Files, public urination, supernatural sex predators, the protective spirit of his or her deceased grandmother, Harry Potter, and Dragon Ball Z?" This kind of bizarre person, my friend. This kind.