Monday, November 09, 2009

What's New? Also - Bacon

Just so you guys don't think I'm going into hibernation mode like I did for all of 2008 up in this blog, here is what's new with me:
  • I got a job. A real one. A real one I want to be at and care about. I start part time from home now-ish, and for real full-time in January. Cray. Z.
  • Group presentations have been going on in my classes. I presented on Female Serial Killers last week and will present on Sexual Identity Development Interventions for Adolescents tomorrow.
  • Re-watched Freaks and Geeks recently. That show was amazing. I think my favorite scene is Bill's solo grilled-cheese-and-TV routine because it is simultaneously lonely and heartbreaking and happy at the same time.
In other news, I am in an ethical bind, brought on by mice. My building has mice, and I want them to not be in my apartment. But I am against killing them. We are working on no-kill solutions. But this made me think about why I don't think it's OK to kill mice. I've decided that for me it is because they are intelligent little creatures. But this made me think of the fact that pigs are even more intelligent and filled with personality than mice. Because I like to remain ethically consistent, I have decided I need to give up pork products, which I thought would be easy, since I don't like ham or pork.

I forgot about salami and pepperoni (actually just a type of salami).

I forgot about sausage, specifically grilled kielbasa.

And, damn everything, there's bacon to consider. Bacon is the most delicious food on the planet. It is both a food and a condiment. Everything is better with bacon. I have one package of bacon in the freezer that I will use up, and after that, I will no longer buy pork bacon (turkey bacon is A-OK, because turkeys are dumb as hell).

Now, I am cheating a little. I will still eat bacon if it is bought by someone else and served to me. By that point, refusing it would do nothing to help a pig. But I will be weaning myself off of using my own money to pay for bacon. If I ask you to buy me bacon, refuse. Straight up refuse. Do not let me talk you into it. If you let me talk you into buying me bacon, you are helping nobody; not me, not yourself, and not a pig.

Goodbye bacon. I am going to miss you. You were the best. The very best. Remember that one time I invented the breakfast taco by folding you in a pancake? That was a good time, bacon. One time I chased a cat for you, bacon. Don't drag this out. Don't cheapen what we had. Goodbye, bacon. I hope someday a pig heroically commits suicide for a noble cause and I can eat you again in that bizarrely specific instance.

4 comments:

Jen D. said...

Decided to comment here instead of on your FB page.

Jim Gaffigan agrees with you about bacon: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/42402/

But I don't really eat pork either, and it isn't so bad. Next time you come to DC I'll get you an (all-beef) half-smoke and you won't remember why you even liked piggies.

Also, remember that time you got a job that was multitudes better than your last full-time job? Yeah, that was awesome. Good on you for getting that degree and kicking ass.

Lastly, I'd avoid eating octopus too. They're also very smart.

Caroline said...

Dude,

When I was making those little bacon bowls awhile back, I came across this:

http://www.baconsalt.com/

Vegetarian, Kosher, and supposedly tastes just like bacon. I'm hoping to get to do a taste test soon!

Remus Thirty said...

Caroline, I actually have some in the cupboard. The taste does seem fairly accurate, which is nice. Obviously it's not the same without the texture, but hey, it's better than nothing.

Paul said...

Congratulations on the job. No recession can keep Matt down!

Also: maybe somebody needs to start a business where they let a bunch of pigs roam free, and then turn the stupid ones into bacon?