This tale from St. Francis High is one of my all time favorites. At this school, there was a program called Senior Service. Every Wednesday, seniors would spend the morning at an off-campus site doing community service of some sort. For example, my senior year, I helped out in a 1st grade classroom at my old elementary school. Other seniors helped out at nursing homes, etc. A secret benefit of senior service was that juniors taking a senior-level class were effectively granted a free period on Wednesdays when their senior-level class fell during the morning. I was a year ahead in French, taking French IV as a junior, and the Spanish IV class also met at the same time. This meant that the two juniors in my class (myself and Craig Biscuitzka) often joined or were joined by the handful of Spanish IV juniors, such as my friends John Gozer and James Draco. This was already a good situation when we had an easy period with Madame Maroon (a wonderful educator and a good person), but was even better when Craig and I would get to join the Spanish IV juniors for a free period/study hall with Señor Golbez.
Golbez was
just as prone to even more prone than any students to getting bored and wanting to chat during this time. Sometimes he would want to pass the time by playing "Would You Rather?", a game which consists of Golbez describing two or three situations, then asking you to choose which you would rather do. The most notable involved choosing between being a hideously ugly man with living in poverty but with an enormous penis and lots of sex, being a man of average-looks, divorced, two kids, with a middle income, average penis, and normal amounts of sex, or a beautiful man (like a model!) with lots of money but a tiny penis and lackluster sex life. Don't most teachers talk to their students about these options?
Perhaps the greatest time-passing chat we ever had with good ol' Golbez in these study halls was as follows. Please note that I cannot verify his story, I can only verify that this is the story as it was told to us. Oh, and it should be noted that Bellido had a twin brother (so he says), Alejandro Bellido Golbez. He himself is Bellido Alejandro Golbez. True? False? Again, only he knows. From here on in for this entry, quotes mean it is Bellido Golbez speaking:
"I want chu guys to know someting about me. I never drink, and I never fight."
...
...
(Like 15 seconds of silence)
...
"But this one time I went to Ray Ohn's [a nightclub] in [Name of state capital] and I got SOOOOOO drunk! And there was this girl there and she was like 'woo woo!' [breast-juggling gesture] so I was like 'grab!' [breast-grabbing gesture]. Den she got like SOOOO mad but I didn't care because I was like laughing, but then her boyfriend came up and wanted to fight so I called my brother Alejandro over and then we beat him up and then we were thrown out for fighting and never allowed back for two years."
...
(At this point, we are in a bit of a stunned silence. Didn't he preface this story by saying he never drinks and never fights? Oh well, maybe this was the one exception.)
...
"And this weekend was the end of two years, so we went back."
...
"Now we are not allowed back ever again."
Truly, a role model.
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