Tales From The Lebowskis - Catch Me!

As those readers who have met my family may know, the Lebowski genes carry with them a certain body type. This body type could be described as "stocky" or "full-figured." While the Jerboa family genes carried by my grandmother, Mary or "Nonnie" trend slimmer, Lebowski genes seem to be dominant in most of the offpsring of the Lebowski-Jerboa union. As readers may know, this is certainly the case with Stephen "Hulka" Lebowski, but he is not alone in this. I too am a heavy-set man. And until recently, my aunt Patty "Pappy" Lebowski was a big lady too. I would like to note here that she has recently trimmed down quite a bit and is looking and feeling great!

One thing Pappy has always had is a lot of spirit. She is the first to sign up to plan a party, host a party, set up a party, attend a party, or help clean up from a party. She is a party-oriented individual. She has a playful and exuberant spirit that was not at all done justice by her role in the first Tale From the Lebowskis. At parties she has always been willing to get up and sing karaoke, lead the movement to the dance floor, or even give a decorative deer's head's antlers a new hat made of a brassiere. There is one party game of Pappy's that will forever live in infamy however.

It was New Year's Eve in the mid-1980's. Several of the young adult Lebowski's had gone to a local establishment we'll call "Billy J's" to ring in the new year. Among those in attendance were Pappy and her darling baby brother, Steve "Hulka" Lebowski. Pappy was dressed to the nines for the occasion, wearing a slick new dress. A few drinks in, Pappy decided to let her spirit run wild and decided to play her favorite party game with a man who could handle it, her enormous brother.

She started running towards Hulka, who was standing near the doors to the club's kitchen. Hulka, enjoying some hors d'oeuvres, was at first, unaware of his sister's charge. To alert him, Pappy shouted two words that would be immortalized by the events to follow:

"CATCH ME!"

Hulka turned and saw his sister in a full run coming towards him. He had only seconds to act. He rapidly oriented himself, eyes wide, and prepared to catch his sister, who by this point had left the ground, flinging herself towards her target. Her aim was good. His stance was good. His arms closed around her.

This would be the end, except for the fact that Pappy's new dress was not just slick-looking, it was literally slick. At least, this is what Hulka insists. He maintains to this day that Pappy was debuting Teflon's new line of evening wear that New Year's Eve, and the results should be, by this point, predictable.

As Hulka closed his arms around her, Pappy's airborne acceleration failed to stop. It, at best, slowed. She slid through his grip and continued her forward momentum into the swinging kitchen doors. In they swung, and in she fell. As they swung back out and crashes were heard within, out flew a pair of shoes (it is unknown if her shoes were also from DuPont's latest line). One hit the floor and tumbled harmlessly to a stop. The other, as if guided from above, landed on a waiter's tray of empty and half-finished drinks, overturning some glasses, but stopping cleanly on the tray.

So goes the legend of Pappy, "Catch Me," and the Teflon Dress. If only Monica Lewinsky had owned one.

Hey-o!

...

Too soon?