BNL - Sound of Your Voice Contest

It may even be better this way

While at Best Buy tonight, I came across the film Twins, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito in the bargain DVD bin. Seeing this movie in there flooded my mind with memories. Actually, only two memories. See, I remember the night my aunt rented Twins to watch when I (and probably my sister) were sleeping over. I was very excited to see it. But it seems I didn't pay much attention once the film actually started, because in my mind, the film Twins consists of two scenes (spoilers? I have no idea if these will spoil anything).

1) A cool-looking car is driving on it's two side wheels, like a wheelie, but to one side.

2) A scientist informs Arnold and Danny that Danny is made of leftover genetic crap, and Arnold becomes enraged, "Don't call my brother crap!" I think he punches the scientist. Or throws him. Or something.

This is the sum totality of the film Twins, to me. It's about 45 seconds long, if that. I realize that I can never watch the film again, or this will be ruined.

I have until 8/10/2007 before Emissions are a problem too.

Today I was pulled over as I pulled into a shopping plaza on my way home from work. I was, at the time, committing no moving violation of any sort. I was traveling within the speed limit (thanks to red lights and drivers in front of me), I signaled for my turns, and pulled over within seconds of seeing the flashing lights. Astounding then how many motoring "no-no's" I was committing at the moment. Here is the list:

1) My registration has expired. This was the reason I was pulled over to begin with. Apparently they color code the stickers on your license plate to make this possible.

2) The address on my driver's license is for my parents' house. I have not lived there since October 2005.

3) I have failed to place a current insurance card in my glove compartment (the one in there has expired).

4) This didn't come up, but I'm almost positive I should have my eyeglasses prescription increased.

5) This also didn't come up, but the last major frost apparently was made of dust and glue, and every attempt to wash my windows/side-view mirrors recently has met with frozen squeegee recepticles.

Luckily, the kind, polite, and attractive female member of Rocky Hill's finest (Officer Bilotto is totally Hott-o) did not have my vehicle towed. Instead, it was forbidden to leave the Stop & Shop/Wal-Mart/GameStop(the reason I was there) plaza until I visit the DMV and rectify the fact that I am "Oper. while un- registered" ("STAT./ORD. NO. 14-120*"), an offense worth $93.00 in Rocky Hill, CT. Plus the cost of the re-registration. Plus late fee.

Aaaaaand, now it's awkward.

I tend to be pretty easygoing. When a coworker of mine stopped coming to work for unexplained "personal reasons", which we figured was probably stress from work and a divorce, I rolled with the extra work that meant for me. When he stopped even contacting work and was gone for 3-4 months, I was annoyed, but I had a sense of humor about it. When he came back and was not immediately able to take back the extra work from me (several months of severe clinical depression can take a lot out of a guy), I figured "Hey, maybe I'll need someone to be patient with me some time (all the fucking time, who am I kidding)."

But now, when I return from lunch and get a phone call at MY (not his!) desk from a grown man with three children's mother-in-law looking frantically for him as I tell her he's probably at lunch, and then she calls again to give me her number and say that its vital that I call her as soon as I see him... and then he doesn't come back to work in the afternoon or call to say he'll be gone. OK. Now I'm weirded out. I don't even know how this bitch got my number.

I kinda stole this format from Partial Law

Thoughts upon visiting a nightclub for the first time about a year ago:

*This place is not comfortable. They should have like, couches. And pizza. And an open bar. Why isn't there any place like that?

Thoughts upon visiting BAR in New Haven, CT on Saturday:

* ... Oh.

Thoughts upon my roommate suggesting I write about the enjoyability of brand new sheets after my new socks entry:

*I don't really think that would make for a good entry, and also I have no reason to have thought about that recently.

Thoughts upon spending a night in my new bedsheets:

*... Oh.

On an unrelated note, my roommate and I watched "An Inconvenient Truth" tonight, which made a lot of good points about the environment that I basically already knew. What I did NOT know, was that George H.W. Bush (that's the older one) once stated that we will be "up to our necks in owls". I would like everyone to just for a moment imagine being up to our necks in owls. This is one of the most delightfully ludicrous images I've had the fortune to stumble across in months. Picture it, streets full of owls, 5 feet deep, people wading in the feathery mass of Tootsie Pop lick-counters. It's fantastic.

A Treat for the Feet

I'm always reminded upon obtaining new pairs of socks of just how good new socks feel. No mass has yet been lost to washing, yet you know the socks will never be cleaner. Thick, soft, a delight all around. There was a time when I was disappointed by receiving new socks for Christmas or a birthday, but now I know that the gift of putting on a brand new pair of socks is quite excellent.

One of the most deliciously decadent ideas I've ever heard was two friends wondering what it would cost to wear new socks every day for the rest of one's life. Let's explore. The price for a 6-pack of men's white crew socks from a major online retailer is listed at a sale price of $8.99, and an everyday price of $11.99. Let's average those to approximately $10 per 6-pack, as of the market values of December 2006. There are 365 days per year (not counting leap years), so 365/6 rounds up to 61 packages of socks per year needed. Multiplied by our price of $10, this plan would run the average adult male approximately $610.00 per year.

Now, I know it may be silly to assume that my poor diet, lack of exercise, and generally spotty luck won't kill me by the time I'm 35, but let's for the sake of argument assume I'm going to live out the average American's lifespan. This would mean that I can plan on living to the ripe age of 77.85 years. I am currently approximately 23.79 years of age. This leaves 54.06 years to go. This isn't at all morbid.

Let's bring it all home. With 54.06 years to go, at an expected amount (ignoring inflation rates, of course) of $610.00 per year, to wear brand new socks every day for the rest of my natural life, I would spend approximately $32,976.60 USD. That is the official price of luxury, my friends.

Now THIS is a headline!

May I bring your attention to one of the greatest news stories, and certainly one of the greatest headlines of all times: World's Tallest Man Saves Dolphin. Please, take a moment to read the article. Good? Excellent. The best part (and there are many great parts) to me about this, is the headline. "World's Tallest Man" on it's own would be a compelling headline. "Man Saves Dolphin" perhaps even more compelling. Two good stories have here fused into one fantastic piece of journalism.

On an aside, I want to know who at this aquarium made this call. "To save these dolphins, we're going to need a tall-No! ... the TALLEST man."